So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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