I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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