he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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