That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
