I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
