So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize