Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Houston, we have a blender
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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