Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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