Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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