I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
