Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
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