How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
