Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize