Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
