his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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