3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Boobs speak an international language.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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