You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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