The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
