I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
