hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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