You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
