Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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