I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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