I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
it was like having sex with a tree stump
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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