the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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