I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
