He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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