Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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