we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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