people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize