I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.