you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
