Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.