he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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