oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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