I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
