is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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