No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
