I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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