my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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