Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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