about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
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Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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