I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
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all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
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WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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