Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
