The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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