i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
