i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
