I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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