girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
