so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
