I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
