Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
