one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
