Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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