I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize