i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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