all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
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He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
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I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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