I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
