I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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