Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
